Who Wants To Spend Time With Me?

If People Don't Make An Effort

So, I am sitting here, staring at the screen, trying to decide how best to put my feelings into words and it suddenly occurs to me that it’s really not all that hard; it’s my over thinking about it that’s making it seem harder than it actually is in reality.  What I’m trying to say is that I am getting tired of running after people who make no effort to stay in contact with me.  I’m the only person losing in that scenario.  The person I’m chasing makes zero effort in the relationship, and I always feel like a big loser.  There are many people in my life who actually do want to put forth the effort to have a relationship with me, so I’m done chasing and I’m going to start focusing on who wants to spend their time with me.

Amanda will probably never read this, so I feel safe in putting this out there.  It is hurtful to me that she has cut me off from all contact with her.  She blocked me on Facebook, changed her cell phone number and won’t respond to my letters when I try to contact her through mail.  I felt like that girl was the daughter I never had, and then I gave my heart to her children and treated them like they were the grand-babies I never had.  And now it’s been more than a year since I’ve seen her, I only met her second child twice when he was a baby and I’ve not been invited to meet her third child.  She’s shown me time and again through her actions that she wants no contact with me, so I’m no longer going to waste my time and energy on her.  I’ll always love her, and I’ll always be here for her, but she has to be the one to reach out to me now.

There are plenty of other people out there who do want to spend time with me, people already in my life who love me and care about me and who aren’t afraid to show it.  I’m going to focus my attention on them instead.


Searching For Fulfillment


Are you like me?  Do you wake up everyday and think, “Why can’t I find a job that is personally fulfilling to me?”  Does such a job exist?  {Sigh.}

I currently work in customer service.  I actually do enjoy this portion of my job.  It’s great to be able to help people find the goods and services they need.  However, there are portions of my job which aren’t so great.  Those portions include being under constant scrutiny by management who are seeking to be punitive for any little offense, real or imagined.  I take pride in doing a great job.  I am offended when a supervisor asks me if I can work faster, when I am already working as fast as I can, and as efficiently as I can.

Don’t they realize that a happy employee is a productive employee?  I know the value of this teaching.  I have seen it many times when I have been in charge of a group of people.  People who feel valued are the first ones to provide value.   The air is thick with negativity where I work, so I spend a lot of time in my own head, speaking positive thoughts to myself.  It’s the only place where I can catch a break.  I don’t seek external reinforcement, because I know that none will be forthcoming.  Instead, I build up my self esteem through internal reinforcement.  I give myself positive words of praise, knowing that I am giving my customers the best possible retail experience that I can.  That’s my own “Atta girl.”

My customers see my happy, smiling face, and they respond in kind by giving me their own smiles.  I feel I am blessed in this way, to be able to help others feel they are important and treat them like any human being would like to be treated, with dignity and respect, a total contrast to the way in which I am treated by management.

Does the perfect job exist?  Probably not.  But I know that I was born to do more than just go to work, pay the bills and die.